Rohan and Sheetal's exams

Exam stress: How can parents deal with it

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Asha and Ramesh were a middle class couple living in a nice colony with nice houses and beautiful parks. They were married 15 years and had 2 lovely kids Rohan and Sheetal .
It was that time of the year when the kids had exams and Asha and Ramesh were feeling the pressure for their kids to do well. They wanted to make sure that the kids stand out. The knew that while some competitive spirit may be healthy, sometimes the balance tips, leaving both parents and their wards anxious and stressed. 

"How can I help my child during exams?" asked Asha as she sat down to lunch with her childhood friend Julie

Julie said, "listen to a child, give them space and support. You should act as a facilitator for the Rohan and Sheetal during exams. Remember, they is already feeling anxious and stressed about their performance in exams.  You could help them by creating a study timetable, help in revising, make sure they have good and easily digested food to eat and keep check on their sleep patterns. See if  they are scared, tense or anxious.  Allow them to freely speak about their anxieties, frustrations, or their difficulties in coping with studies. Some of the anxieties are that they have not adequately prepared, what if they do not get the seat/course they want, inability to concentrate, forgetting everything, not able to grasp the subjects.  Sleep patterns start varying with some kids oversleeping while some sleep less. Stomach ailments make occur as with the anxiety the digestive system goes haywire . Be available for Rohan and Sheetal, keep track of any changes in their behaviour. "

"What else can I do?" asked Asha. " Reassure them that the focus is on learning rather than on marks. It is important to keep your calm and not to induce fear in them. " said Julie

As Asha got home Ramesh was on the computer and before she could say a word about her meeting with Julie, Ramesh blurted out that he had been reading something on the web about kids sleeping habits during exam time. He said "On the web they say every child is different and so are their study habits. Some prefer sleeping early and waking up early in the morning to study, while others concentrate better at night. If a child can study at night and rest in the morning, let them do so. 

Asha smiled and told him about her conversation with Julie. Ramesh listened patiently. Asha told him that as per Julie  "the amount of help required may depend on the needs of the child. Some of the ways in which we can help are, check how much of the course has been completed, offer suggestions on making a time table and help them follow it, explain concepts if they are confused about it, encourage them to take some time out to relax and give them tests at home if they are slow in writing and organizing their answers. We should also avoid trying to control them and give them space to study by themselves. What is important is making them feel responsible for their studies. We will assure them that they can approach us if they need help in understanding some topic or concept, and that they need not worry or get anxious about exams. Its important that the child takes a break from studying to check a message on the phone or browse the internet for some time. But there should be some amount of self-control on how much time is spent on the internet and phone. We can also suggest taking a break by going outside or playing a short board game with them, which will help them relax. 

Ramesh then added on that he was speaking to his colleague Deepak who suggested that "every child is unique and every child has his or her own strengths and talents. Valuing our child only on the basis of academics is not at all the right thing to do. Academics are just one part of life and not life itself. Accepting the child's potential and finding possibilities is a sensible way to support our children. As a parent, we have to be clear about our own ideas of academic success and failure. It is best if we can give more importance to our children becoming a sensible and compassionate individual in society. We should help them identify their strengths, interests, and reinforce their self-esteem and self-confidence This should be reflected in our everyday conversations. We need to make sure that, we do not indicate that we respect only success, show the attitude of taking both success and failure even-handedly and also that both are equally important. "